


Sam Tyler's Guide to Interpreting Shakespeare's Sonnets

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, M/M, PG-13 - Blue Cortina, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-20
Updated: 2009-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 19:52:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12440418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: Sam tries something different to woo Gene.Crack, pure crack. My apologies.





	Sam Tyler's Guide to Interpreting Shakespeare's Sonnets

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).

Sam Tyler's Guide to Interpreting Shakespeare's Sonnets 

(for the "Modern" Man)

 

{141} 

 

 

In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, 

For they in thee a thousand errors note; 

 

[You're not exactly handsome, all in all a bit of an ugly bugger really] 

 

 

But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, 

Who in despite of view is pleased to dote 

 

[Still, you're not completely without charm, must be your legendary prowess as a lover (even if you are an over-weight over-the-hill nicotine-stained borderline alcoholic).] 

 

 

Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted, 

 

 

[your accent isn't exactly soothing, y'know? 

 

Try saying out loud: "In Hertford, Hereford and Hamsphire, Hurricanes hardly ever happen"... I'll even give you a hint Gene. Six of the words should be pronounced with a H (you recognise the letter right?) and no, "ever" is not one of them.] 

 

 

Nor tender feeling to base touches prone, 

 

 

[And I could resist the temptation to grope you. . . if I wanted to.] 

 

 

Nor taste, nor smell desire to be invited 

To any sensual feast with thee alone. 

 

 

[It's not only the flies you keep off when you drown yourself in that bloody Brut, Comprende?] 

 

 

But my five wits nor my five senses can 

Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee. 

 

 

[Ok, ok, despite everything I'm still mad about you. Happy?] 

 

 

Who leaves unswayed the likeness of a Man, 

Thy proud heart's slave and vassal wretch to be 

 

 

[And though I might still look like some strong, stylish specimen of man (stop BLOODY LAUGHING!!!) in reality I'm yours, Gene, just yours.] 

 

 

Only my plague thus far I count my gain 

That she that makes me sin awards me pain 

 

 

[and er... if you'd like to "punish" me again tonight... About eight-thirty-ish? That wouldn't be so bad.]


End file.
